“And when I saw him, I fell at His feet as dead.” (Rev. 1:17) It may be that like the apostle John you know Jesus Christ intimately, when suddenly He appears with no familiar characteristics at all, and the only thing you can do is to fall at His feet as dead.
There are times when God cannot reveal Himself in any other way than in His majesty, and it is the awfulness of the vision that brings you to the delight of despair; if you are ever to be raised up, it must be by the hand of God. “He laid His right hand upon me.” In the midst of the awfulness, a touch comes, and you know it is the right hand of Jesus Christ. The right hand not of restraint nor of correction or of chastisement, but the right hand of the Everlasting Father.
Whenever His hand is laid upon you, it is ineffable peace and comfort, the sense that “underneath are the everlasting arms,” full of sustaining comfort and strength. When once His touch comes, nothing at all can cast you into fear again. In the midst of all His ascended glory the Lord Jesus comes to speak to an insignificant disciple, and to say “Fear not.” His tenderness is ineffably sweet. Do I know Him like that?
Watch some of the things that strike despair. There is despair in which there is no delight, no horizon, no hope of anything brighter; but the delight of despair comes when I know that “in me, (that is, in my flesh) dwelleth no good thing.” I delight to know that there is that in me which must fall prostrate before God when He manifests Himself, and if I am ever to be raised up it must be by the hand of God. God can do nothing for me until I get to the limit of the possible. — Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest)
The above quote by Oswald Chambers underscores the delight of despair, reminding us that our greatest restoration and fruitfulness often comes after "falling at his feet as dead", in seasons of divine darkness.
Five Tests of the Divine Darkness
True restoration and fruitfulness will come only after we properly respond to five tests of divine darkness.
First, darkness tests our courage. There is something universally scary about the dark. Things always look better and safer in the light. It is one thing to be out in the jungle or wilderness, it is something else again to be there when darkness falls. So it is with us. Darkness tests our courage.
Second, darkness tests our convictions. When darkness comes, the first thing you do after you've tried everything else is begin to wonder what you really believe in. When darkness comes, you find yourself questioning everything you were once sure of. Godly convictions alone can hold us when darkness descends.
Third, darkness tests our calling. The very ministry you have seems at stake when divine darkness comes upon your life. You can begin to question, “Do I really have a call from God?”
Fourth, darkness tests our consecration. Left in darkness long enough, you begin to ask serious questions about what you're supposed to be doing. This is a time when temptation to easy answers must be resisted.
Fifth, ultimately, darkness tests our commitment. The final stage of darkness searches you to your very depths. It shakes everything that can be shaken. It is the absolute bottom line.
Yet it is astounding that the delight of despair and these five tests of the divine darkness, those of courage, convictions, calling, consecration and commitment, alone can conjoin to yield the greatest demonstrations of God's restorative love in our personal lives. Are you ready for true fruitfulness? Are you ready for the great blessing that emerges after pruning? Set your heart in hope, for the Lord Jesus is about to bring the answers to every longing in your heart.
Hold on!
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